Monday, August 25, 2014

Things I've Never Said #1

Here's to all the things I wish I was able to say, but never quite could...
Dear "Virginia",
I know there's a slight chance you might be reading this blog, but I doubt it. You never were much interested in things that I did, but you always expected me to be interested in the things that you were interested in. I guess our friendship was always like that, one-sided.

I don't know why I've been thinking about you so much this summer, but I have been. You come up at odd moments in certain dreams, in conversations. I still share many of your interests (I am not as obsessed as you are, but I enjoy them quite a bit and when I am watching them, I often think of you). And I don't know why, but I miss you.

You were not the best friend in the world. The fact that you failed to bother to try to keep in touch with me proves that. So often, you were too wrapped up in your problems to notice mine but, to be honest, I was often too wrapped up in my problems to really pay attention to yours. We had drifted. I admit that, towards the end, I might have pushed you away a little. I had written you off.

Yet there were the other moments, too. I will always cherish those Thursday nights I spent at your house where we binged on Coke and Domino's pizza without a care in the world. I will smile as you tried to teach me the choreography to the Thriller dance.

There was no big finale to our friendship, no final blow. It simply dissipated. There was no resolution to any of this. And that is probably what has been bothering me even now, that lack of finality, what could have been. Or it's probably that frustration knowing that you never cared about me the way I cared about you.

I bet you'll never read this, that you don't think about me as often as I think about you. And that's just the way it is. I will go in one direction, you another. We may meet again, but probably not. I wish you well.

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