I had to say goodbye to the camp too. Goodbye to the atmosphere. Goodbye to the taste of virgin mojito drinks. Goodbye to hot sticky air and leaning up against the window at morning meeting. Goodbye to dragging my mattress back from a sleepover. Goodbye to crappy food and sitting by the corner and debating aloud whether or not I should eat all of my dessert. Goodbye to the people and the camaraderie.
It was just as painful and heart-wrenching as last year. I’m feeling this sad, empty feeling in the pit of my stomach that only they can fill. While I’m thankful for the memories, I don’t want to go. I don’t understand why I can’t have more awesome people like them around in school.
Goodbye is the final chapter. A closing of the door. One thing is lost and sometimes, another thing is gained. Sometimes goodbye leads into the sequel of your life and sometimes it doesn’t.
Goodbye can be an opportunity for something else, something new. Sometimes, the silver lining only emerges somewhere. It can be a time to look at the future and see it for what it is. Just like last year, this camp is making me think about it for what it was. I’m not seeing the opportunity, though. I feel like the opportunity has ended and now I have to go to real life. I have to go back to assholes and high school and anxiety with no one who understands me and memories that make me shudder.
With goodbyes means moving on. I have to move on; I have no choice. Eventually, the pain will fade.