Sunday, September 30, 2012

My Chocolate Addiction

It makes me feel good. That's pretty much the reason I do it. It's the reason why I do most things and the reason why most human beings do most things. Chocolate makes me feel good.

It sends a thrill down my body and such a beautiful taste on my tongue. It makes me want more and more and more and so I eat more and more and more. All sweets make me feel this way but chocolate especially.

I literally feel ripples of pleasure shoot through my body just at the very thought of it. When I eat it, I feel pure ecstasy on my taste buds.

I actually think I have a problem. I feel urges to eat sweets at random moments of the days, urges I cannot deny. I eat the chocolate and hate myself as I do it. I hate myself when I'm done. When I see chocolate, I go nuts- I usually can't put it down and I don't know when to stop.

One time on vacation, we were at a particularly fancy restaurant and the restaurant gave us all free dessert on behalf of a mistake that they made. I ate parts of all of their dessert and I was just savage. My dad kept yelling at me to stop and when I didn't, he and my mother jerked the plates away.

On another token, I'm picky when it comes to other food. Thus, the urge to consume other desserts is stronger than ever after dinner. If I could take the urge to eat and transform it into an urge for actual food, I totally would. Unfortunately, I cannot. Alas, I am stuck with this crazy urge to consume until I throw up.

Sometimes, I skip meals to make up for the binges. I frantically exercise it all away. That doesn't make it any better though. Even my mother says I would be skinny if I didn't eat so much crap.

Chocolate is tempting. Devilishly charming. It is my toxic friend, my frenemy. I cannot shake it off of me no matter how I try.

The highs are great; the lows are really terrible. Chocolate makes me happy but it also makes me angry.
In short, my body is an idiot. It craves what is bad for it and shuns what will make it prosper. It leaves me in this vicious battle of food.

I just ate a slice of chocolate cake. The guilt is coming over me in waves. And so the cycle continues.

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