The point of going to high school is to get into college. That's pretty much it or at least that's the only thing that I can think of. The socialization part comes with it, but it's more of a sink-or-swim kind of scenario, learned by exposure. Most of the crap we learn we will never need and most of the stuff we're assigned is busywork. For some reason, the sheer monotony of it is getting to me this year. I'm trying not to be negative, but I don't know what else I'm supposed to do.
Every moment I spend in school, I want to leave. I think of ditching with every period that I have. I have to write out my soul (pretending to write notes) just to last the period. With every step I take, I feel a growing anger at having to complete every menial task. I just want to throw my assignments at the wall and break free.
Maybe if I felt I had a purpose, I wouldn't feel as angry as I am. I just feel so numb when I go there and so painfully bored every time I go there. My mind is numb from the activities that are so much harder than they need to be. Maybe if I felt like my school environment wasn't as stifling and mind-numbing as it is, I wouldn't feel as bored. Everything about it irks me- from the crowds to the kids to the teachers to the work. I don't know how I'm supposed to get over any of that, I guess.
It's bad enough I have to endure six hours of school a day- why do I need two additional hours of homework on top of that? There's no excuse for that and I almost feel like teachers are out there because they want to waste my time. I don't even have safety on the weekends or the holidays too- school constantly haunts me and I can never shake it.
And everything is absolutely ridiculous, I feel. The kids are ridiculous and they are so immature that it's pathetic. And yet... Ugh.
The only saving grace of school is clubs. And yet they only come at the end of the day, unfortunately. Clubs help me relieve my frazzled mind, but it returns when the homework does. I go right back to where I started then.
I feel like they're doing this on purpose- trying to melt my mind and fry it. Maybe to make it easier for them to control.
I want to do something beyond stupid, mindless work. I want to focus on the things that I love. I don't want to be wasting my life. But alas, I am.
I can survive this. One step at a time. Maybe I can numb my mind for good, so that I won't feel the pain now.