Tuesday, November 6, 2012
Dating: The Clingy and Creepy
It's quite a common occurrence for teenagers to "fall in love" in a matter of mere days with people that they barely know. While this is really just lust mixed with teenage idealism, it still manages to be mistaken for "love". Perhaps I must feel this heady combination in order to understand what it does to a person, but I have not; I only see things from an outsider's perspective (as in seeing people spend time with their significant other 24/7, make goo-goo eyes and croon pet names, make out in the hallways and that whole deal).
However, my friend has gotten a particular guy who won't leave her alone. It literally borders on stalking and it kind of creeps me out. She has told him that she doesn't like him and doesn't want a relationship with him and I have told him that she doesn't like him and doesn't want a relationship with him. Yet he trails her and puts guilt trips on her and everything like that. It's incredibly annoying and pretty desperate and pathetic of him.
As usual, I have learned a lot about relationships from my friends' dating experiences. Everything from this to my other friend's verbally abusive relationship has informed me about the dark side of dating and it has made me stop and do a double take. There was a time when I would have done anything to be in a relationship, when I would have accepted anybody. I now see the danger of that predicament and am glad that no one asked me to date them.
Contrary to assholes, the clingy guys are usually seen as pretty nice at first. Too nice, like something's off. They wait on their girls and they say all of these really nice things and everything like that. These guys will be the ones to complain that "girls never like the Nice Guy". And that's because they aren't genuinely nice, but they're creepy.
Now, I do know where this all comes from, of course. The guy who is going after my friend clearly has no self confidence and he is trying to get my friend to be with him so that he can somewhat restore his self confidence. That's the case with these clingy guys. They are desperate, hopeful, pouring all of this energy into the relationship because they desperately need to be.
That's a recipe for disaster of course. You have to be in a relationship because you love that person, not because you're still trying to love you. You have to know and love yourself to know and love another person. Otherwise, the relationship is toxic and it will only be a matter of time before everything implodes (causing both parties to be hit by the shrapnel).
Not to mention, poor self confidence is a turn off. There's too much desperation, too much raw hope there. There's too much dependence and not enough freedom. Ir's hard to appreciate someone when they aren't able to give you the freedom to breathe.
Clingy can turn to creepy really easily. Obviously, becoming obsessively in love with someone in that amount of time is unhealthy and scary. It's a sign that the person is unhinged a little bit and that's not something people really good. It can turn into something really dangerous really quickly, especially when there was a large amount of delusion involved.
Clingy/ creepy guys are even worse than assholes and the pervs in my opinion. It's much more subtle and there's no telling how it will end up. There's always that lingering guilt in dealing with these kinds of people too.
Of course, I hope my friend turns out alright but I don't have a good feeling about this. Fortunately, she is a black belt so that would help her if things get out of hand.
"Love" happens too easily in teenage years. Make sure your creep-o-meter to sniff out the creeps is on.
Note: I'm sure this is a problem with guys too. I know plenty of girls like this. However, this is coming from a girl's perspective.