Friday, November 9, 2012

Getting High Off of Life

Life is a drug that you can snort. So many people try to escape it and sometimes, it's because their life just feels permanently ruined, a stash sprayed with pesticide. So many people don't live their lives and so many people throw away their lives or other lives without a second thought. Most just shuttle from their lives day to day. Because I am at school and have somewhat limited resources as a minor, I can't say that I fully live mine and I have so much left to do. And yet, I have been finding more beautiful things within it, things that make me want to just live and live and live.

I feel that feeling when I take a picture, when I notice all of the beautiful things in nature and take a good breath of fresh air. I feel so fresh, like I'm rejuvenated. In all of those moments, I feel like I should feel that way all of the time but I don't. 

Perhaps life would be easy to get high off of if you lived the life you wanted to live. I suppose that's the point of this article. I just... don't feel high most of the time. If anything, I just feel well, low. Like low in school and everything like that. 

Yet then there are those moments. Those little moments where I feel like I'm somehow at home, somehow just another creature among many other creatures, somehow having reserved my place in this year. In those moments, I feel this rush and this brief peace, this sense of belonging. Those little moments when I feel happy and I just feel so free in that moment that I can shout. 

It is in those moments when I'm able to get high off of life. I'm able to feel an out-of-the-world exhilaration and taste crisp air and look around at the beauty all around me and I just feel totally at awe at everything all around me. In those moments, I realize that the world is such a big place and so small at the same time and it's just so incredibly wonderful sometimes. I feel like I can just hop and skip and hop and skip. Wow, it's incredible. 

I wish that I could just feel high off of life more often because it's such a great feeling then. I feel high off of life when I'm writing and around writers, when I'm taking photos on a nice day, when I'm on a rollercoaster. I feel like I should.

And yet I don't. I don't know why, but I don't.

Life should be about taking risks. About living and experiencing. There are always things that get in the way of that, though, and I just don't know why. I should be getting high off of life all of the time and yet I can't do that.

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