Monday, June 11, 2012

The Last Day of School (As a Freshman)

The last day of school is a day circled in red several times over. It is a date seared into the minds of weary students as they anxiously wait an end to what seems like infinite torture. For me, that date has finally come. School is over. Over! When I got out, I admit I did a happy dance of sorts.

Most of the time, the last day of school is much later. Unbearably later. Yet because of how the calendar fell and the weather occurred, I happened to have today as a last day and it was a half day at that. My best friend's birthday will occur on the nineteenth and she will not worry about having to go back to school the Monday after. Yay! I will be able to enjoy her party in peace.

As evidenced by my earlier blog posts, I was extremely nervous about the start of high school. Nervous enough to toss and turn at night, to feel sick to my stomach for days to come. Of course, it wasn't nearly as bad as it seemed. I managed to survive and even flourish under the conditions that were present. Of course, I don't really have the need to feel the same nostalgia as some seniors but still... I still definitely feel something there. Almost a little tug of sorrow.

The last day of school means freedom. I don't have to worry about homework. There are no projects from hell, no tests to study for. Instead, I am free to spend days upon days doing absolutely nothing and I can do that without consequence. I can go to sleep when I want to and I can wake up when I want to. Nothing will dictate my summer days and nobody will be telling me what I can and cannot do with myself during the course of the day.

That freedom brings a rush. Such a rush of joy and relief. So much of my anxiety stems from school and now I don't have to deal with it. So much of my regrets have to deal with social situations that I will happen to have a lot less of.

The last day of school is such a contrast to the first day of school. The first day of school seems so recent too, almost like it just happened. I can still see my scared, freshman self walking nervously through the doors and getting lost most of the time. Usually, I feel a little buzz on the first day. I'm sick of summer at that point and the school year seems so new. Nervousness clouded these feelings on the first day of high school and I didn't feel this way on the first day of eighth grade for some reason (to this day, I consider this an omen). On the other hand, the last day is in direct contradiction to this feeling. On last days, I want summer and not school. I feel dread and boredom as I drag myself in. I count down instead of counting up and looking towards the year as a whole.

I spent the second half of the afternoon doing nothing with all of my friends. It was absolutely awesome and it really hit home on that freedom thing and doing absolutely nothing. Hopefully, my summer will be spent with friends and relaxing.

Until then, I'm kicking back and calling the shots.

The last day of school brings a plethora of feelings inside me, but I'll worry about them later.

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