Sunday, June 10, 2012

The Sides Of Ourselves No One Ever Sees

"We all wear masks and  the time comes when we cannot remove them without removing our own skin."
-Andre Berthiaume

Most people are not honest. They lie; they cheat; they backstab; they pretend. Most of all, they hurt and are hurt beneath the smiles they radiate to the world. For instance, if one were to look at everyone's Facebook pages, they would see what they want everyone to see- a tough guy, a happy-go lucky popular girl, a stoner who doesn't give a fuck. Our Facebook pages show a better and more polished us. In a world that encourages us to conform, our real selves are often hidden and shown to a select few. Ultimately, there are so many sides of ourselves that most don't see.

This hiding is often for good reason. People often take advantage, pinpoint weakness and then dig in. It's hard to be ourselves in the face of adversity. Yet sometimes, I feel the urge to just be myself all of the way. To just scream and scream and scream and just do what I want to do. Yes, I've been hurt but that age-old urge to unload and be honest still persists.

It always amazes me when I see those glimpses of people that totally contradict the images that they present to everyone else. I'm writing this post because I'm still remembering the glimpse of my sister that I saw once and because of a video I saw on YouTube. Usually, she portrays herself as a mean, hardened bitch. Sometimes, I believe her to be that way. Yet then, I saw a different side of her. When I explained how frustrated I was at how she often treated me and how I often felt like she didn't care, I saw it. And then I told her that if she kept treating people like that, then she would push them away for good. She cried, telling me that she did care but that she couldn't trust people with the truth and that she had to keep them away from her because of that. In those moments, I saw her for the scared, hollow, insecure and very sad little girl that she is. Everything made sense in that moment and I saw my sister in a whole new light. Soon afterwards, she returned back to her tough self but it was too late. I saw it and still see it now.

The above example isn't the only thing. Sometimes, I see people pouring their hearts out in comments or status updates and I wonder why they don't do that in real life. One time, I saw my very hard, very bitter teacher break down in the middle of class. Another, I saw my very easygoing teacher fall into a fit of rage. Of course, I have seen other students have emotional breakdowns multiple times (both in the classroom and outside in the hallways and such). 

People are so complicated, so much more multifaceted than we might ever believe. What most people show is so far from the truth and yet so often we judge people so easily on what they show. We only see the two-dimensional side of them when there is really so much more.

Yet people judge so easily. They judge based on one facts or two. They see the masks that people show and they hold beauty contests on that. When I think about it, it really is quite ridiculous. I admit to making judgments too, though; I make judgments because making judgments makes me feel safe.

Still, realizing I don't know everything makes me so kind to other people. Knowing that I don't know everything guides everything I do. Sometimes I don't even want to be, but I feel like I have to. While some people are simply assholes, many supposed assholes are really good at heart and being an assholes is a facade. Even assholes are assholes for a reason. When my sister puts me down, that's why I can't put her down too. When 

I myself am a paradox, a living oxymoron. I am outgoing in some situations and shy in many others. I am smart yet I am stupid. I love school but I hate it. I analyze things and yet I take them for face value. I am confident in some things yet I am insecure with others. I speak passionately, yet I am passive. I wear my heart on my sleeve, yet I hide what I feel most of the time. In other words, I am human. If I am so complicated, then what about other people?

I can't help but think about how much easier life would be if we all just were honest and showed the world who we really were. Showed all of the different sides of each other. Showed what we really thought and really felt all of the time. Of course, current factors make this impossible. There are so many people who don't want to know the truth. Still, if we all put aside our differences and made an agreement to never intentionally hurt someone... The world would be a better place.

I crave honesty and truth. I crave it from the people I know and I crave to be honest and truthful without negative repercussions. Maybe one day I can find that. I don't want perfection, because no one is perfect. I just want the truth, plain and simple. This very urge is probably what led me to pour my heart out in my writing, as a matter of fact, because I had to pour it somewhere.

No one is perfect and no one should pretend to be. They should just be them. That should be alright, in and of itself. Yet even as I say that, I cannot bring myself to be fully me. Is that alright too?

Maybe one day, these sides will be brought to the light. Maybe one day everyone (or most people) will find someone they can show all of their sides too. Until then, they will be sides no one ever sees, hidden behind our masks.

No comments:

Post a Comment