Makeup

American women depend on it. There are constant blogs, magazines, and shows dedicated to it. It fuels the media and the society that we live in. It is plastered on faces, billboards and advertisement.
I didn't realize how important makeup was to me until I had to go outside without it. I had to go out yesterday for various errands and my cold didn't give me the energy to go up the stairs. And so, I went outside with no makeup.

I swore that I would never become one of those girls who would become like this but, lo and behold, I have. Makeup has become the cornerstone of my day and, if something happens, it's totally ruined. I find myself worrying about whether it's gotten smudged or something constantly and checking the mirror all of the time in the hallways. When I had to swim in school for the first time, I was freaking out that I ruined it.

People rip into makeup all the time and say they like "natural beauty" and that "it gives girls low self-esteem" and that "it makes people dependent on it".

I've decided that it's harmless. I've had self-esteem issues regarding my looks for as long as I can remember. For the longest time, I've pretended that I wasn't feeling that way and just didn't look at mirrors. I told myself that caring about my appearance was stupid and shallow and that I needed to depend more on my looks. There was a nagging fear inside of me that even if I did lose weight and everything, I would still feel bad about myself. But then I came to realize that I DID care about my appearance and I decided to do something about it.

That something was makeup. And a makeover.

I started as an amateur so I bought colors that didn't really suit me. Up until that point, I only wore makeup on occasion with the help of my sister. Even though I'm olive-skinned, I bought light gold and brown eyeshadow. My lipstick was some kind of reddish orange color that didn't really work well. I didn't straighten my hair the right way so it had this weird little pixie look. Let's say that I'm definitely glad that it was over the summer.

It got better, though. I got plum lipstick, first of all. Even though I still went on using the boring eyeshadow, the lipstick definitely made my lips pop. I even got a few compliments for the shade, which made me happy.

And then my mom got me an eyeshadow kit. I got to pick out all sorts of colors so that they could match my clothes. I have to say, I definitely had fun with them a little bit. It was fun in the morning to pick out which color matched my outfit the best.

Over time, at least I didn't feel ugly anymore. I felt a little so-so with makeup like maybe I had a chance of things improving for me. I still had poor self-confidence some of the time but it was getting better. I actually felt pretty some mornings like I could feel free to go out and face the world. I stopped avoiding mirrors.

I think it made my spine a little straighter too. Before that, I didn't realize how my image about my appearance affected the rest of me.

Anyway, I suppose you have to ease into it. I have this one friend who absolutely refuses to wear it and swears it off entirely. Yet again, she doesn't seem to have the same issues I have. Makeup seems like such a personal thing to me. I always used to hate it when people would tell me to wear it so I would never tell that to her.

I guess the most important thing about makeup is to wear it for you. Not because everyone else is doing it but because you want to make yourself feel better.

Despite this, if anyone sees me through the window without makeup now, I WILL duck. Just saying.