Tuesday, September 3, 2013

My Decision to Go to Private School

Last year, I made the decision to go to private school. One private school in particular. This year, I'm sticking with that decision: I'm going off to that school in a few days.

I'm pretty sure I made the right decision. I decided to leave a negative environment and try to find a better one. I wanted to be surrounded by more like-minded people and be supported. Plus, I wanted all the opportunities an art school can give me. Those are good reasons enough, right? The arts school seemed perfect for me. Plus, my depression was starting to get bad again. I don't think my public school caused this entirely, of course (though it did the first time) but it didn't help.

But now I'm having second thoughts. What if I was wrong? What if it wasn't what I thought? What if it's worse? What if the kids are preppy and the school day is boring?

I'm taking an awfully big risk there. I have about a twelve hour day (accounting for the hour and a half bus trips both ways). So if it's going to suck, it's going to suck for four hours longer. Plus, I would have wasted my parents' money on the tuition.

My public school was often hell but at least it was a hell I knew. This is uncharted territory, though. I saw glimpses of the school when I shadowed there but I can't saw I know it for sure. I could always end up alone and friendless, waiting desperately for the day to end.

Yet again, it's probably going to end up being wonderful. My hope it would was what made me want to go there in the first place. I'll probably fit right in and i'll meet so many other writers who can help me. If I ended up staying at public school, I would probably have ended up with what ifs and regrets and you can't live with regrets.

I'm thinking about all the disaster scenarios. I know it's stupid but I am. I just can't help it. My minds are already going back to so many bad memories for fear it will end up similarly. I seem to have flashbacks at random times of the day but eventually at night. Luckily, i haven't had any nightmares yet but I'm sure I will. I got myself hypnotized but that didn't work as long as it usually did. I got a psychic reading too but I just came out of it feeling like I wasted money. So yes, I'm nervous.

But I'm sure it'll be alright. Still, I've made my decision for better or for worse. Wish me luck.

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